Player Profiles for 2009/10

WARNING: Players stats and quotes may not be based entirely on fact.

Click on continue reading to view the older profiles profiles.

Click on continue reading to view the older profiles profiles.

Name: Alaric Collier
Year of Birth: 1978
Nickname:
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 15 stone
Position: Utility Back

About Ali:
The JP Pieterson lookalike is another one of Clondalkins southern hemisphere imports. Unfortunatly for us here at Clondalkin Rugby that is where the comparison stops. Pieterson is known as a fast elusive winger with a step that will have you dizzy with his speed while Ali is a hard running centre that will leave you dizzy with his power. His tough upbringing on the streets of Nairobi prepared him well for his confrontational role in the centre where he has excelled at getting opposition players sent off.
Ali has been in direct competition with Stevey Cunningham for the past number of years over many different things and so far they are tied at one a piece when it comes to firefighting and rugby abilities. This summer Ali plans to end the trilogy in knock out style by baring all for the Clondalkin Rugby Club Charity Calendar and proving that he a bigger man than Steve. The girls of Clondalkin will have to decide who is the bigger man.

Name: Steve Cunningham
Year of Birth: 1975
Nickname: Superman
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 15stone
Position: Fullback







About Steve:
Stevey has been one of the clubs top performers for many a season now and despite the advancing years and greying hair he still manages to hold onto the coveted number 15 jersey season after season. Known for his crazy off the field antics (see profile pic for example) as much as he is for his rocket boot and safe hands Steve is one of the personalities of the dressing room. This year promises to be a tough year for him as its rumoured that Dave Hurley is now debt free and will be able to show his face in Gordon Park this year without having to empty his pockets first.

Name: Paul Nolan
Year of Birth: 1986
Nickname: Paul
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 15stone
Position: 2nd Row







About Paul:
Noelie is regarded as the standard bearer for the future of Clondalkin rugby, an athletic player with great speed and all round ball playing ability. He is what all of the kids aspire to be. The was the star performer for the first team Noelie this year formed Clondalkins very own twin towers when jumping alongside Seany in the lineout. And all this at the tender age of 22.

Off the field his personal life has been under much scrutiny recently with the are they or arnt they saga with Sarah Boland being the talk of the club in recent months. Noelie exclusively revealed to clondalkinrugby.com that the answer to this question is they are. They are so much in love with each other that Noelie has requested for both of them to be now known by their celebrity name of "Nolander".



Name: Chris Australia
Year of Birth: 1975
Nickname: Chris Gunning
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 16.5 stone
Position: Prop







About Chris:
Clondalkins very own Southern Hemisphere import Chris landed at Clondalkin two seasons ago and has settled in nicely at the club. He first arrived at the club puffing and panting like he was a teenager arriving back after finding themselves following a years drinking in Australia. He battled hard with his fitness and was a major player from midway through the season in the clubs extended 2nds Towns Cup run and in many opinions was the star player for the team.

This year however, he spent more time packing down on Deirdres physio table and pushing prams than he did packing down and pushing in scrums which ultimately affected his fitness and therefore his performances. He finally got his problems with his back sorted out and delivered a stirling performance in the cup final victory over Portlaoise. His stock has risen in the club following this game and rumour has it that he may be about to take the honour of being the oldest man on first team for next season away from Big Dan. Pre-season fitness will tell all for one of the clubs most popular players.






Name: Ollie MeGrew
Year of Birth: 1980
Nickname: Red Mist, Red Card, Octopus
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 9 stone
Position: Hooker









About Ollie:
Known as the Red Mist Oliver James MeGraw was previously the master of all things red. The red hand, the red card, the red hair, the red light (he had a red lamp in his room) and at stage six of messy drunkenness or whilst on the field of play all Ollie saw was red.

However in recent years the red mist cleared into a heart just like his profile pic above. Ollie has become inseperable from his fiance Monika (-with a K-), so much so that we couldnt get a picture of him on his own for the site.

The holder of the world record for most questions answered in a Black Board Jungle Rapid fire buzzer round used to consume Braveheart, Metallica and nails before a game. Now his pre match ritual is a bout of hugging and kissing his darling Monika.

However that lack of aggression has benefited Ollie’s game. His yellow card stats have dropped 70 percent and he only got sin binned 28 times last year, and he claims adamantly that Murts was at fault for two of those.

Also his tackles are of a lower nature presently. Last season Ollie was seen aiming for the eyebrows and not the fore head of the ball carriers. In fact, although this is only rumour, it’s believed Ollie did make a tackle around the chest of an opposition player last year, granted that player was 10 foot tall but it is an improvement.

In fairness to Ollie he has punched above his weight for years. At nine stone he must be the lightest hooker in Leinster Rugby history. However that has not prevented him from mastering the art of scrumaging. Most props in the club would claim they prefer to enter front row battle with the little red lunatic than anyone else. By all accounts he is as smart in the scrum as he is in a Rapid Fire Buzzer Round. Ollie’s line out success rate is also second to none. He throws better darts than Phil Taylor and he will always give 100 percent for the 50 mins he is on the field and not in the sin bin. In fact what Ollie lacks in bulk he makes up for in intelligence, passion and effort.


Name: Maurice Featherstone
Year of Birth: 1975
Nickname: Mo
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 15 stone
Position: Flanker







About Maurice:
One of the deadliest players to ever play for Clondalkin Maurice has an injury rate of one player per game and two players per training session. The legendary Jimmy Cahill will testify to this. Known around Leinster for not knowing the rules. His somewhat off the walls fashion sense have not gone unnoticed in the club, just people are afraid to say anything to him about it. His traveller style hat on top of his big fluffy head of hair leaves a lot to be desired as does a number of items of clothing (pink t-shirts spring to mind). Luckily for Jonny Hips Maurice cant use computers so there will be no retribution for this insult.
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Name: Alan Hi
Year of Birth: 1979
Nickname: Suicide Hickey
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 12.5 stone
Position: Outhalf/ Centre











About Alan:
Alan is Clondalkins very own Jonny Wilkinson. Much like Jonny he is a terrific outhalf who kicks cleverly, distributes well and tackles like his life depends on it. Unfortunatly, just like Jonny he is extremely injury prone. In the past two years he has fractured his skull, broke his leg, broke multiple fingers and accumulated a number of other "minor" injuries. These run of injuries have made it difficult for him to hold his position with the first team but it is no coincidence that the firsts best run of form last year was when Alan was wearing the number 10 jersey. This year, coaches Rob Hayes and Kenny O'Brien have agreed to allow him take a sabitical to captain the third team in the hope that he will be able to get his body into the sort of condition that can without Division 1 rugby on a week in week out basis next season. A brave call from optimistic coaches. Hopefully both can deliver on their promisies to each other.


Name: Derek Murtagh
Year of Birth: 1984
Nickname: Murts
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 14 stone
Position: Flanker/ Utility Back










About Murts:
The fact Murt’s greatest playing achievement for Clondalkin Rugby Club was bringing Paddy Ryan along to kit out for the seconds shouldn’t detract from his achievements on and off the pitch.

Murt was this year a Club Man of The Year nominee, although some suggest if they had a special merit award he would win it every year.

A former record breaking boxer (Francie is the only amateur pugilist to hit the canvas 165 times en-route to defeat in each of his 60 bouts), Murt’s, challenges Ollie ‘if I go any lower I’ll hit his forehead’ MeGraw at the top of the yellow card charts every year.

Murt’s is what some call a rugby schizophrenic, calm and placid to a degree off the pitch, even when legless under the influence of his 3 pint limit, last years second team captain losses the plot when a whistle blows.

The utility player loves nothing more than a bit of argy bargy and can be often found mixing it up and loosing his cool in and around the ruck.

Due to Murts Maurice style understanding of the laws he believes most of what he does is legal-and like an SMA Bondage lover respects and enjoys when he is punished for infringements.

In fact there is only one thing Murts dislikes and one thing you should avoid at all cost, biting his little finger.

“Nobody but nobody, and I mean nobody but nobody, not even my girlfriend, not even my dog, not even my own teeth bites my little finger,” Murts was quoted as saying before Ollie got a yellow card.
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Name: Ciaran Cullen
Year of Birth: 1980
Nickname: Big Cux
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 18 stone
Note: There was no picture of Cux available at the time of posting so we had to take the closest resemblence out there. Thanks Johnny for spotting the similarities.
Position: Prop
Quote: Seriously, its true.
look

About Cux:
The real Cux, the eldest of the Clondalkin Rugby Club Cux Dynasty, was once hailed as the future for Irish rugby.

Over a few cans and a game of cards it was predicted that the talented prop would be the backbone of the Irish scrum for the next 35 years.

He may not have donned the green of Ireland, a fact some might be grateful for considering the skin tight nature of the modern day jersey, but he has up to this point been the brightest of all the Lamps off spring to shine in Clondalkin yellow.

Cux, who protects the ball with similar intensity and vigour as he does food in the Cullen household, lead the club to its greatest cup success. As one of the clubs youngest ever captains he became the clubs only captain to lift the prestigious Spencer Cup. Cullen also toured NewZeland with the Irish Shamrocks and despite the fact the apartment he stayed in had to be knockdown after fumigation failed, he managed to somehow lure Brent Pope into guest speaking at his Captains Dinner. A skilful prop, Cux regularly produces magical moments King Carlos would be proud of and ones Mick ‘rob the try’ O’Brien loves to benefit from. Such subtle skills are not displayed off the pitch, however. Cux can spread a rumour quicker than a lady of the night can spread a contagious STD, and is proud of his gossiping record. Only second to Ray ‘you were there’ Kelly for embellishing Cux is a believer in an entertaining story and will add or subtract key details for the love of the story.
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Name: Paul Hickey
Year of Birth: 1985
Nickname: Mr Glass
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 13 stone
Position: Flanker/ Centre/ Scrum half
Quote: I think i broke something.
Hair style modelled on: The Rob Hayes retro look





About Paul:
As his free flowing locks would suggest, Paul is a bit pyschotic when it comes to playing rugby. Famed for his tackling capability and all round madness on the pitch Paul sometimes lets his bravery get the better of him and missed a large part of last season through injury. His return at the end of the season was a key factor in the 3rd teams cup victory and the passing talent he displayed during the match will make him an able deputy for the injured Brian Berry for the coming season. Speaking on his move to scrum half Paul had this to say "Whats good for the team is good for me".
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Name: Peter Fitzgerald
Year of Birth: 1980
Nickname: Big Hits Fitz
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 11 stone
Position: Wing
Quote: That's the smell of desire my lady.






About Pete:
Peter is the clubs ladies man. Known for his prolific scoring ratio on and off the pitch Peter has amassed quiet a few scores over the years. If only half of them were on the pitch he would have surpassed his brother Pauls all time try scoring record by now. A regular to Citywest gym Peter practices his posing with Dan Fitzpatrick on a regular basis.
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Name: Jeff Gallagher
Year of Birth: 1974
Nickname: Mr Motivator
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 13 stone
Position: Outhalf
Quote: Oh yeah brother. I have a good feeling about today.






About Jeff:
Jeffers was last years 3rd team captain. He led the team to unheralded success winning out their section in the J4 metro league and taking glory in the J4 cup. A lot of credit has to be given to Jeff who has delivered some of the most memorable inspirational speeches ever delivered in Gordon Park. Many will never forget his blood stirring speech delivered before the BLACKROCK game earlier this season that included him reading an article about a game against TERENURE from 20 years previous. Alan Hickey will have big shoes to fill this year. Lets hope he buys the Barack Obama book.
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Name: Carl Horan
Year of Birth: 1989
Nickname: Crazy, Horny, Dopey, Sleepy, Goat Beard
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 11 stone
Position: Wing/ Fullback
Quote: Where am i?



About Crazy:
This college drop out is your stereotypical only child, nice but weird. Last season was his first year to be involved with the senior side and he played for all 3 senior teams at different stages of the season. Arguably the most improved player on the team this season he finished the season in prolific form scoring a try a game on average in his final five matches. Crazy can be quoted as saying "I aim to be the next Peter Fitzgerald of CRFC. He is a role model to all us skinny wingers."
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Name: Mick O'Brien
Year of Birth: 1963
Nickname: The Captain of the Bench
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 16 stone
Position: Sub/ Linesman
Quote: Have you paid me for that?





About Mick:
Mick O'Brien is one of the elder statesmen of the club. He ranks up there alongside Finbarr and Eamonn in the age department but much to his disappoitment he has not been granted the hero status that has been bestowed on the previously mentioned club legends. He is more known for his involvement with the youth section of the club these days selflessly giving up his time of a Sunday morning. That said he was able to don the boots for one final fling in the 3rd team cup triumph at the end of the 2008/2009 season. Unfortunately these heroics still do not warrent club legend status. Hard luck Mick. There was no picture of Cux available at the time of posting so we had to take the closest resemblence out there. Thanks Johnny for spotting the similarity

Added by Murts June 16, 2009 (5:52PM)

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